Sara’s Story

I was 19 years old when I had my abortion. I was dating a wonderful guy who is now my husband. I was a Christian, but wasn’t living like it. When I found out I was pregnant, my consuming thought was I have to fix it so that no one can ever know. I told myself I had no other choice.

I went to the campus doctor and they simply asked me if I was going to keep or terminate my pregnancy. I thought that was such a nice way to put it. Just a normal medical procedure. They gave me a list of 10-12 doctors who would perform abortions. I was so relieved at how easy this was. It helped me justify my decision. God might not think this is ok, but a lot of other people do. I really could get away with it without anyone knowing.  

When I went to the clinic, they made the abortion procedure sound easy. It would all be over in a matter of minutes. What a joke. You can’t go into a place like that and come out the same person. The clinic itself is symbolic of that—you go in the front door and when they are done with you they push you out the back so that those coming in can’t see. When I left I thought—what a relief. It’s over. No one found out, and no one ever will.

After that day, I wasn’t the same anymore. I tried very hard to keep up appearances, so on the outside most people probably didn’t notice a change. But I became more self-conscious, withdrawn, I didn’t like to hang out with my friends. I blamed God for the way I felt; I told myself that He didn’t love me anymore, and I tried not to think about Him. I hated myself. I had a deep, dark secret that was eating away at me, and I had vowed to carry it to my grave. I knew everyone would hate me if they knew the ugly truth. I thought I was completely alone in all of this. Little did I know that I was surrounded by women who shared my feelings of guilt, shame, anger, low self-esteem—all resulting from abortion. I lived that way for years, and it almost destroyed my marriage. I didn’t know it at the time, but I harbored a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for the abortion. I felt that it was all on my shoulders and that he wasn’t suffering at all. I guess I wanted him to hurt, too.

I started going to church again and it was there that I heard about Real Options, and I went to their volunteer training to help others. At that training, a woman stood in front of the group and told us that she was post-abortive and that statistically speaking there were at least three others in the room that were, too. I couldn’t believe it! How could someone stand in front of a group and admit that? I wasn’t alone! 

That day changed my life. I found out about Forgiven and Set Free, a Bible study for women who have experienced past abortions. I went and was amazed as my eyes were opened to what God had for me in His Word. He showed me that He had forgiven me, it was me who needed to accept that forgiveness. He was there all along. My guilt and shame are gone! Only God can do that! He healed my heart, and He saved my marriage! Now He allows me to participate in the ministry of reconciliation.

Tori’s Story

Single motherhood was never part of my plan. At eighteen, I was a Christian, but not spiritually mature enough to handle life on a college campus. I basically threw myself into the party scene, then ended up dropping out of school and getting pregnant. After seriously considering abortion, I had my baby girl in 2006. Unfortunately, becoming a mother didn’t make me any more mature. I dreaded each day’s responsibilities and selfishly longed for a different life. God and church were not a part of my life at that time, so I turned to men and alcohol for fulfillment. In 2007, I got pregnant and I was terrified of my family finding out. I was supposed to be a responsible mom now, and I didn’t want them to know the truth. Out of all the “friends” I told, not one of them encouraged me to keep my baby. They all agreed abortion was the best choice, so I found a clinic and had an abortion. I still wonder, would it have made any difference if just one person had suggested a different option?

I remember that day in the clinic, all the details. It was Good Friday, and the initial relief afterward was quickly replaced by guilt and shame. God surely hated me. I tried to move on, but it was always in the back of my mind. Then in 2009, I got pregnant again. I was so ashamed of myself! I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant this time, so I had another abortion, thinking my secret was safe.

About five months later, my three-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. I saw this as punishment from God, and the fear of losing her almost killed me. Thankfully, He is rich in mercy, and He healed her! He also protected me from myself and people who could have harmed me. Five years later He convicted me of my sins. I saw what I had done through His eyes, and how much He loved me anyway. In the midst of everything, He even brought me a wonderful husband who adopted my daughter. Everything up to that point became so clear. Romans 8:28 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this—while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Thank you, Jesus!

Since we got married, we have been blessed with five more children, but life’s trials didn’t suddenly disappear. In 2018, we lost a baby to miscarriage. It was an extremely difficult time that tested me, but God carried us through once again, and we had a baby girl in 2019! I’ve been volunteering at Real Options for over five years now. Real Options Abortion Recovery (ROAR) played an integral part in me understanding God’s grace and forgiveness on a deeper level. Now when women come to RO, I am better equipped to share with them the hope they have in Christ.