Single motherhood was never part of my plan. At eighteen, I was a Christian, but not spiritually mature enough to handle life on a college campus. I basically threw myself into the party scene, then ended up dropping out of school and getting pregnant. After seriously considering abortion, I had my baby girl in 2006. Unfortunately, becoming a mother didn’t make me any more mature. I dreaded each day’s responsibilities and selfishly longed for a different life. God and church were not a part of my life at that time, so I turned to men and alcohol for fulfillment. In 2007, I got pregnant and I was terrified of my family finding out. I was supposed to be a responsible mom now, and I didn’t want them to know the truth. Out of all the “friends” I told, not one of them encouraged me to keep my baby. They all agreed abortion was the best choice, so I found a clinic and had an abortion. I still wonder, would it have made any difference if just one person had suggested a different option?

I remember that day in the clinic, all the details. It was Good Friday, and the initial relief afterward was quickly replaced by guilt and shame. God surely hated me. I tried to move on, but it was always in the back of my mind. Then in 2009, I got pregnant again. I was so ashamed of myself! I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant this time, so I had another abortion, thinking my secret was safe.

About five months later, my three-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. I saw this as punishment from God, and the fear of losing her almost killed me. Thankfully, He is rich in mercy, and He healed her! He also protected me from myself and people who could have harmed me. Five years later He convicted me of my sins. I saw what I had done through His eyes, and how much He loved me anyway. In the midst of everything, He even brought me a wonderful husband who adopted my daughter. Everything up to that point became so clear. Romans 8:28 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this—while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Thank you, Jesus!

Since we got married, we have been blessed with five more children, but life’s trials didn’t suddenly disappear. In 2018, we lost a baby to miscarriage. It was an extremely difficult time that tested me, but God carried us through once again, and we had a baby girl in 2019! I’ve been volunteering at Real Options for over five years now. Real Options Abortion Recovery (ROAR) played an integral part in me understanding God’s grace and forgiveness on a deeper level. Now when women come to RO, I am better equipped to share with them the hope they have in Christ.